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It’s May first. And it’s Tuesday. It has been quite a week already! Between my ultrasound and the crazy class I have, I am working on surviving til summer.
I am finally looking at the light at the end of the tunnel for the school year. Boy, do those 18 days need to go by swiftly! It is the end of my fifth year of teaching and it has absolutely been my hardest school year yet that I’ve taught in the Florida public school system. I love my students but it has been a long, hard year and I am so ready for a break. Survival mode has officially hit this kindergarten teacher!
However, I’m feeling a little like my second trimester upswing is hitting (even if I’m only 11 weeks and 2 days). For more of my first trimester I struggled with the typical fatigue and sluggishness. The last few days I definitely have more energy and I’m back to waking up before my alarm instead of wishing I was sleeping 2 hours past it. I feel like my “old self” more and more, and I’m finally getting things done around the house that I had been wistfully wanting to get done while bingeing Netflix shows and taking naps on the couch.
Yesterday was our first ultrasound for our very first pregnancy. To say I was nervous and excited was an understatement. I knew it would be life changing and make this whole growing a baby thing more real. But I didn’t realize how much joy and sorrow it could bring in just the span of an hour. The joy of watching those little arms and legs wave was euphoria itself. The tears overflowed, dripping down my face as the technician tapped on my belly and my little Peanut stretched and kicked. There’s nothing more mind-blowing than the first time you see your baby move. The hubs and I were so busy sending the ultrasound pictures to our family in the waiting room. We were just abuzz with the excitement.
After basking in the bright glow of our first time seeing Peanut, the doctor sat down and told us we would need to have NTS done. NTS is nuchal translucency screening, blood tests usually done when early ultrasounds show extra fluid on the back of the baby’s neck. It can mean absolutely nothing. Or it could mean that baby is in danger of any number of defects.
*Edit – Our sweet boy did end up having several birth defects. Read more about his story here.
I’d be lying if I said that after sitting, smiling and nodding, through the doctor’s explanation, that I didn’t immediately fight back the tears after he walked out to get the nurse. So many things run through your mind. So many what ifs and fears. I never imagined that we’d have to go down this route, in fact I had decided we wouldn’t opt for additional screening. And yet, circumstances beyond my control have forced me to do the very thing I didn’t want to.
The good news is, ever since yesterday afternoon, I have been mostly too busy to think of it. Until now that is. The truth is, I refuse to let it take me under the wave of grief before I know the results. Although there is an undercurrent of worry, I know there is nothing I can do but wait and pray, trusting that God has my little one in his hands
So now I work and I wait. Nothing to do for it but to let Peanut grow and take good care of myself. Plus I have a nursery to start prep work for! Darn wallpaper….