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Dear Momma going through a miscarriage, I see you. You are shouldering the burden of loss in a world that thinks you should be able to move on quickly and get over it. That you can just try again. Or that you didn’t give birth, so why are you so upset? There’s not a lot of room for grief and healing when, according to the consensus, you’re not supposed to mourn a child that wasn’t born.
But sweetheart, I see you. That burden of loss you carry, whether it has been once or multiples times, it leaves a mark on your heart. It makes you question everything. And what’s worse, you question yourself.
- Am I meant to be a mom?
- Am I meant to have anymore kids?
- What’s wrong with me?
- Why can’t I do what everyone else seems to do with ease?
- What did I do to deserve this?
The Real Answers
I’m here to tell you this. You are meant to be a mom, whether for the first time or not. You have so much to give and so much future to look forward to. It may take time and, unfortunately, a lot more heartache. It may take an alternate form, fostering, adoption, surrogacy, etc. Or you may find joy in being a pet mom. Or as a second mom to your friends kids. But you are meant to be a mom!
As for the last three questions – there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect. There may be a medical reason for what you’re going through, there may not. But it’s not your fault. You, yourself did nothing wrong and nothing to deserve this.
And while there are some women who pop out six or eight children with ease. There are just as many who struggle to have even one. Every woman is different and everyone’s path is different. While it’s so difficult when it seems like everyone else has what you want, don’t get stuck in the comparison trap. Their journey might have been plagued by infertility, miscarriages, illnesses, or other private battles. I know it’s tough, but all that really matters is that you focus on you and your own journey.
While I haven’t experienced a miscarriage, I know what it’s like to lose. And I definitely know what it’s like to question yourself. In my post Am I Meant to be a Mom? I go through the very same thoughts and issues. I have such a strong desire to be a mom and yet it remains unfulfilled. It’s a daily struggle. And in my post The Unthinkable is Happening, I wrote out my feelings about facing my son’s death. It’s a raw and painful portrait from that day, but it’s real. They are the thoughts of a mother losing her child.
And my journey to becoming a mother is plagued with fear and doubt and lots of uncertainty. While our journeys are not the same, grief is universal. And I am so sorry for the grief you are experiencing. It’s horrible and it sucks and it’s not fair and you don’t deserve it.
I See You
So, my friend, I see you. I see you struggling but yet being strong. Sweet Momma, I see you questioning but continuing on each day. I see you trying again even with fear and doubt. And I want you to know that you are strong and mighty and fierce. You are brave. And you are in my heart and thoughts. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for you.